


The Dreams in Which I’m Dying

by nerdgirlwalking



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, but we have a time machine so not too much angst, most likely AU, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4397354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdgirlwalking/pseuds/nerdgirlwalking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The person who goes into the pit isn’t necessarily the one who comes out. The pit returned Sara Lance to life but took something very important as payment. Is it too late to get it back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dreams in Which I’m Dying

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven’t read Arrow 2.5 issues #23-24 there are a couple of spoilers here. Though it’s probably not like you don’t know Sara died so maybe it’s not so much of a spoiler as it’s just new and semi-exciting Nyssara that the majority of people will never get to see because it’s in a tie in comic because we can’t have the non-Olicity sexy on the actual show these days (I’m not too bitter I swear, let your freak flag fly Felicity, get you some girl). Also the show isn’t on cable…
> 
> Anyway I’m just playing around with a few of my fears for this upcoming season of Arrow and Legends of Tomorrow as it comes to our girls here. With the added fun of flashbacks, I really do want some Sara and Nyssa in the good old days flashbacks to happen.

 

“Nyssa is dead,” Are the first words out of Laurel’s mouth.

 

“If some League of Assassins’ bigwig met their maker I’m not going to cry about it,” She shrugged and caught a glimpse of tears in Laurel’s eyes. “I can’t believe that you are after everything they’ve done to us.”

 

“That’s all you have to say?” Why did she seem angry?

 

“Yeah, you called me out here like it was an emergency to tell me that someone I don’t even know is dead. How am I supposed to react?” Sara looked out over the city skyline. “If you had said Merlyn was finally dead and gone then maybe that would have been worth the trip.”

 

“Sorry I wasted your time,” Laurel hissed. Yeah there was no seeming about it, Laurel was pissed.

 

“What is with you? Can’t Malcom just dump her in the pit?”

 

Laurel laughed, it wasn’t a happy sound. “Not everyone gets as many second chances as you seem to.” She shook her head. “You know what? You’re right you didn’t know her. This was a waste of both our time.” Laurel turned and walked away.

 

“Laurel?” Sara cried after her.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Be careful okay?” She still wasn’t completely right with the fact that her sister had up and decided to become a vigilante. She was living proof that the path Laurel had chosen for herself was a dangerous one.

 

“Why? Would you actually shed a tear if I ended up like her?” Laurel scoffed before she continued to walk away.

 

Sara didn’t reply. Because she wasn’t sure if she would. She knew that she should. She loved Laurel. But ever since she woke up in the Lazarus Pit with Oliver and Merlyn standing over her it had been difficult to feel anything but angry.

 

She had attacked Merlyn then. The instant she recognized him she remembered her last mission, that she had been sent to kill him. She remembered meeting him on a rooftop in Starling City. Fighting with him. He had escaped but not before vaguely threatening her. Those threats became a lot less vague when a few nights later his daughter shot her.

 

So she had leapt from the pit at him. She doesn’t remember much. Just flashes. Blood and screaming. Oliver trying to pull her off. Throwing him aside like a rag doll. Two men running into the room. Being hit with an arrow but the wound not even slowing her down. Oliver shouting at the men not to hurt her. Like they could have at that point.

 

Near the end she shoved Merlyn’s head into the pit to drown him when a woman had entered the room. She had called Sara’s name. It was enough to clear the fog of rage for a moment.

 

It was then that Sara had let Merlyn go. Oliver limped to her side and with the two other men had helped Sara to a nearby cell and gave her some clothes. The woman stood stock still and watched the entire thing. She hadn’t said a word after calling Sara’s name.

 

She saw the woman again just before Oliver had brought her back to Starling City. The guards had brought her up from her cell early. “I’m sorry Nyssa.”

 

“Are you?”

 

“I only made the deal with Merlyn in order to bring Sara back. To make up for some of this with you.”

 

“And like the majority of your plans it is an utter failure.”

 

“She’s alive.”

 

“She does not remember.”

 

“She stopped when you called her name. Thea didn’t remember me at first either.”

 

“And there has been no sign of recognition beyond that.” The woman, Nyssa shook her head. “Sara was gone far longer than your sister. She may never remember.” She chuckled, “You and Merlyn have devised a far greater torture for me than my Father could have ever dreamed of. I wonder why you hate me so?”

 

“I don’t.” Oliver sputtered. “That’s not what…”

 

One of Sara’s escorts had cleared his throat then announcing their presence. “Ms. Lance,” Nyssa had nodded to her and then left the room.

 

“Ready to go?” Oliver had asked her. Sara nodded she had been beyond ready. Nanda Parbat held no good memories for her.

 

Somehow months later she had ended up with a motley crew of bumbling time travelers trying to save the world. She supposed it wasn’t that far-fetched for a woman who had returned from the dead. She still had several gigantic craters in her memory but the ability to fight and kill had stuck with her. In some ways her dip in the Lazarus Pit had made her a better fighter. She wasn’t afraid of being hurt or killed. How could she be after everything she had experienced? Though if Heatwave asked her one more time if she was a zombie she would not hold herself responsible for the damage she’d do.

 

“Let me talk to her pretty boy,” Snart said pushing Ray out of the way. They were currently in a club in Sao Paulo circa 1997. Apparently Savage had a daughter that frequented this place. Ray had tried to work his charm on the woman earlier to no avail.

 

“I don’t think you’re going to work either Leonard,” Ray called after him.

 

“Why does she have a boyfriend with her or something?” Sara asked and downed another shot. They were supposed to be blending in right?

 

“Or something,” Ray replied. He looked Sara up and down. She had ditched her normal jacket and halter and paired a simple black tank top with her white leather pants. She fit in with the crowd while still being able to smuggle in some of her gear. Ray and Snart couldn’t hide any of their weapons in their laughable attempts at club wear. Sara smirked, she was so much better at this than the boys.

 

Soon Snart was back beside them at the bar. An angry red welt was beginning to form under his left eye. “So she’s fantastic.” He quipped as he snatched the glass in front of Ray to fish out an ice cube.

 

“Can’t you make your own?” Ray asked trying to snatch his drink back.

 

“Do you see a cold gun in these pants?” Snart growled as he held the ice to his face.

 

“So you struck out too huh?” Sara asked.

 

“Epically,” Snart replied. “But I think I know how we can make this work.”

 

“I am not roofie-ing anyone,” Ray shook his head.

 

“Canary should go talk to her.”

 

“Me?” Was he serious? She was worse with people than he was. If he got punched she was liable to get stabbed or stab someone herself.

 

“Yeah from what I hear you have experience seducing the hard ass daughters of near immortals.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Sara sneered. She could see Ray making cutting motions across his throat out of the corner of her eye.

 

“The woman doesn’t need to be coddled Shrinky-Dink.” Snart looked Sara in the eye. “She’s in to chicks. You’re a chick. A crazy but hot one. And I have it on good authority that you swing both ways so get to swinging.”

 

Sara frowned, he was right she was bisexual but she had no idea how he would know that. It’s not like she had had an opportunity to hook up with anyone since this whole mess started. And she really didn’t know what he meant by her having experience with the daughters of near immortals. Wasn’t this chick they were after the only one?

 

“As much as I hate to say it, he’s probably right Sara.” Ray waved the bartender over. “Three fingers of your best whiskey two glasses please.”

 

“Take her a drink. See if you can get anything out of her.” When he noticed that Sara was still scowling he added, “I think I can explain some things later if you want but let’s just get through tonight first okay?”

 

Sara nodded, “Okay.” She picked up the glasses. “Let’s see what you’ve got Scandal Savage.”

 

Snart had been right. Scandal was definitely in to women and she had liked what she saw when Sara sauntered up to her drink in hand. They had flirted a bit and danced. But the woman was also pretty damn smart. Halfway through their second slow dance she leaned in and asked, “Who sent you and the two buffoons from earlier? A.R.G.U.S? Interpol?”

 

Sara had chuckled ruefully, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. But I’m not here to arrest anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

“Well are you here for me or is it my father you seek?”

 

“Hot and smart,” Sara replied. “We need information.”

 

Scandal hadn’t known what her father was up to but she did know enough about his operations in general to give them a few places to start looking for him. She had even offered Sara an opportunity to mix business with pleasure. She had considered it. Scandal was beautiful. But something about going to bed with her felt wrong. Like a betrayal of something. So Sara had turned her down and gone to meet Ray and Snart.

 

After that, things had gotten busy, there had been a slight incident with killer robots and then Snart’s sister had gotten into a bit of a jam they had to go pull her golden thong out of. So she never took Ray up on his offer to explain Snart’s comments. But the universe, it seemed wouldn’t let the topic drop.

 

The first time it happened she was in the middle of teaching Ray how to throw a real punch. Honestly he was terrible. It was a good thing the guy was practically a genius because without his suit he’d be destroyed ninety nine point nine percent of the time. Since Sara’s life might depend one day on his having to survive without the tech she had taken it upon herself to train him up a bit.

 

She had just blocked his weak attempt at a combo. “You have to stop telegraphing your movements.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Well, I mean I do in theory just I don’t know how I’m doing that right now,” He groaned from his place on the mats.

 

“Your eyes tell me. You look left before throwing left, every single time. I picked up on it in a couple of moves. Your feet tell me. You noticeably shifted your weight before you punched just now,” She told him holding out her hand to pull him back up and off of the mat.

 

Suddenly she had a vision of a moment just like this one. Except she was the one on the mat complaining while a dark haired woman stood over her. The woman’s features were hard to make out, as if Sara was looking at her through a fun house mirror. She got the feeling she was beautiful though. “You have to learn to act without thinking.”

 

“Won’t that end up with me dead?” Sara asked as she stood up.              

 

“How do I say this so that you shall understand? You have to let your body guide you. You know the mechanics. You know how to strike a target. You have to allow your body to do it. The tiger focuses on its prey but when the time comes he allows instinct and muscle memory to guide the pounce. If you think too hard about your next move you will reveal to your opponent your every move, and you will die.”

 

She chuckled ruefully, “My dying would probably make things easier for you. You could go back to your normal life. Go on missions again.”

 

“It is true that if you were not here to train that I could resume my normal routine.” The woman reached out and tucked a stray hair behind Sara’s ear. “But my life after your loss having now known you would never be easy.”

 

“Sara?”

 

She shook her head. She realized that Ray was now standing beside her with a puzzled look on his face. “Are you okay? Looks like you zoned out there for a moment.”

 

“What? Yeah, I’m fine.” She walked over to the bench where she had left a bottle of water. “Just trying to think of a good way to explain this all to you.”

 

It happened again a few days later when she was patching up a bullet hole in her jacket. The white garment in her hands suddenly turned black. She held it up to the light.

 

“What’s this?” She was standing in what looked like a state room on a ship. She could hear the hum of the engines. The floor beneath her feet rocked slightly.

 

“Were you struck in the head without my noticing? A jacket.”

 

Sara rolled her eyes. “I know it’s a jacket. I mean why is it here, on my bed.”

 

“You gave your other one to your sister. I thought you needed a replacement. That garment is designed to offer even more protection than your old one. The latest thing really, we’re incorporating that fabric blend into all the new tactical uniforms.”

 

Sara knew it was more than that. She turned to the woman leaning in the doorway to the room. “You didn’t have to.”

 

“You can’t very well go into battle in only the corset.” The woman smiled wistfully, “No matter how lovely an image that would present.”

 

“Is it?” Sara asked instead of the question she really wanted to.

 

“Is it what?”

 

Sara walked closer to the woman. “After everything I’ve done,” She looked down at her feet unable to meet the other woman’s eyes, “Am I still a lovely image, to you?”

 

“You are the loveliest sight I shall ever behold, Sara.” The woman replied. She turned to walk out the door. “Nothing shall ever change that.”

 

The room snapped back in to focus around her. She looked down at the garment in her hands, it was white again not black. The hell was that? It really felt like she had been somewhere else, someone else, for a moment.

 

“I’m going crazy…er. I am getting crazier by the day.”

 

It happened a few more times. A kitchen knife led to a flash of stabbing a man on a mission in Uruguay, before he could shoot her partner, whose face she couldn’t see. Snart beating Ray in chess sent her into a brief vision of sitting at an elaborate wooden chess board watching as a slim hand placed her queen in check with a musical laugh. Sara eventually figured out on her own that these visions were memories. Everything felt too real for them not to be. Once that happened the dreams started.

 

“In the name of Ra’s al Ghul I release you…”

 

Sara shook her head as she opened her eyes. She wasn’t poisoned. She could breathe easily. A dream it was just a dream. She still felt cold. She could still smell the saltwater from the harbor. “I release you,” She muttered to herself. She had been released from the League? How was that possible?

 

She knew for a fact that she had been hunting Malcolm Merlyn for the League when she was killed. Rather ironic now that he was the Demon’s Head and she was free and clear. But she apparently had been already. It didn’t make sense. If she had been released from her oath why would she ever go back?

 

She reached for the notebook she kept by her bed and began scribbling down everything that she could remember from the dream. She didn’t want to lose any more of her life. Sara had apparently lost more than enough already.

 

She finally had to tell someone about the visions after she had an episode during a mission. One minute she had been running through an abandoned mine shaft with Ray and Kendra and the next she had been surrounded by men wearing masks like Slade Wilson. She had attacked Ray. Kendra had to club her over the head with her mace to make Sara stop. When she came to Rip had made her tell him what was going on.

 

He had called Oliver. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

 

“Because I wasn’t sure if what I was seeing was real. It felt real but I wasn’t sure. You all already look at me like I’m insane; I didn’t want to add to it.”

 

“Sara,” Oliver sighed. “You should have told someone.”

 

“I know I’m broken okay? Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m not. That’s hard when you look at me like that.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

She waved him off. Maybe she could at least use this little heart to heart to figure out a few things. “Why did I go back to the League?”

 

“What?”

 

“One of my visions, you were with me on a dock, there was a woman. She released me from the League.” Sara rubbed her chest where she knew she should have an arrow scar. “I know it was real but I also know that I went back. I was working for the League when your sister put three arrows in me.” He winced at that. She couldn’t really bring herself to care. It should make him uncomfortable. “Why would I go back?”

 

“You made a deal to save the city.”

 

“With who? And for that matter why would they release me instead of killing me?”

 

He clenched his fist. “They tried, believe me.”

 

“Okay but then why would they take me back? Who is the woman I’m seeing Oliver?”

 

He shook his head. “That’s an old wound you don’t want to reopen Sara.” Try as she might she couldn’t get it out of him.

 

The others were wary around her after that. You never knew when the Canary would snap and attack her own teammates. For the first time since she came back Sara felt lonely. She began to welcome the dreams, the sooner she remembered everything the sooner she could show everyone she was stable again. Well at least for a dead woman.

 

The next time found her standing in a shower. From the look of the tiles around her it was in a motel, a crappy one. The warm water that beat down along the back of her neck and shoulders felt great though. She felt a pair of arms wrapping themselves around her waist and she was pulled back against a slick body. A slick female body if the breasts pressing against her shoulder blades were anything to go by.

 

“How’s your head?” A voice with a slight British accent asked. It was the same voice as the woman from her other visions.

 

“Fine,” Sara heard herself reply. “He didn’t even hit me that hard.”

 

“He should not have hit you at all.” A hand trailed across her belly. She shivered despite the temperature of the water.

 

“Hey I’m still new at this whole thing. One guy out of seven tagging me has to be above average.”

 

“Merely above average will get you killed one day.”

 

Sara turned around to face the other woman. She reached up and tilted her chin down slightly so that she could look into the other woman’s eyes. She still couldn’t make out her face for some reason but her eyes; they were dark and seemed to stare into Sara’s soul. “I’m not that easy to kill remember?”

 

“A fact I am grateful for every day Habibti.” The woman pulled her into a kiss.

 

Habibti, she had looked it up after she woke up from that dream. Beloved. It meant beloved. Somehow Sara had known what it meant before she had looked it up. She knew five languages somehow just like she knew twenty five ways to kill a man with a spoon. Such things from her old life had remained even after the pit had burned everything else away.

 

Like that woman. Beloved. Someone had loved her once. Why was she remembering her now? She was almost frightened to learn more. It was kind of funny Sara wasn’t afraid to die but she was afraid to close her eyes like a little kid leery of monsters under the bed.

 

You’d think she’d be happy someone actually wanted her. Laurel hadn’t spoken to her in months. Oliver only ever wanted to talk shop anymore. Her father didn’t even know she was still alive. And her teammates were still afraid of her. Sara shook her head she was wrong it was all kind of sad.

 

The worst of it came not long after. Sara had fallen into bed after the last in a series of long days. They were getting closer to Savage but each battle was taking its toll on the team.

 

She was pacing back and forth across a small room. From the stone walls and myriad of candles providing the only light she’d guess she was back in Nanda Parbat. “I have been here for months. I can do this,” She told the dark haired woman who featured in so many of these memories.

 

“No,” The woman shook her head.

 

“I thought you had faith in me? You told your father I was ready. Were you lying to us both?”

 

“No, Sara.” The woman shook her head. “I have never lied to you.”

 

“Then why are you acting like this? I am not that weak, starving, little girl you plucked off the shore. Stop treating me like I’m going to break.”

 

The woman reached out and took her hands. Her touch was warm. “You don’t know this man. He is a monster. To go alone would be to throw your life away.”

 

“If that is what the League asks of me then that is what I have to do, just like any other member.”

 

“You are not just any other member!” The woman hissed, now grabbing her shoulders and shaking her a little bit.

 

“What am I then?” Sara hissed right back. “Why isn’t everything I’ve accomplished here good enough for you?”

 

“Sara.” The woman sighed and stepped away. She turned her back on Sara and walked over to the balcony.

 

“Why don’t you want me to go? You may have never lied to me but you aren’t telling me the whole truth right now.”

 

She hung her head, “You can’t go because should you be killed I shall surely wither and die as well.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Sara reached out and touched the woman’s shoulder forcing her to turn back around and face her.

 

The woman’s face suddenly became crystal clear. She was breathtaking even with the noticeable fear in her eyes. “You must believe that I tried to fight this. It’s not fair to burden you with my own shortcomings…”

 

“You could never be a burden to me,” Sara replied without thought. Didn’t she know how Sara felt? She would do anything for her.

 

“If I speak it aloud,” She started. “If I tell you. We can’t go back. I’d rather not risk our friendship. It is so very dear to me.”

 

Sara sighed. She wasn’t sure what the other woman was getting at but she knew they couldn’t go on this way. “It’s effecting us already, whether you say the words or not. I’d rather have truth between us even if it’s difficult.”

 

“Very well,” The woman nodded. She squared her shoulders and looked Sara in the eye. “I love you Sara Lance. What little soul I have within me is bound to yours and I cannot, I will not lose you.”

 

“Nyssa.” Her eyes snapped open. That had been Nyssa. Sara remembered what she looked like the day Oliver took her from Nanda Parbat. She and the woman from her visions were the same. Sara felt sick.

 

“Nyssa is dead.”

 

“…my life after your loss having now known you would never be easy.”

 

“Nyssa is dead.”

 

“Habibiti.”

 

“Nyssa is dead.”

 

“…I release you.”

 

“Nyssa is dead.”

 

“I love you Sara Lance…”

 

She felt something on her face. Tears? Sara was crying for the first time since the pit. Giant, gasping, ugly sobs rocked her body. She could feel something other than angry. Apparently she wasn’t as broken as she thought. Too bad she felt like she was dying all over again.

 

After her breakdown, Sara finally set up a meeting with the one person she was reasonably certain wouldn’t lie to her about all this. She could tell Laurel was still angry with her by the way she stood. Arms crossed, scowl fixed firmly in place. Everything about her screamed “I do not want to be here.” Fine, Sara wouldn’t draw this out with niceties.

 

“Who was Nyssa, Laurel?”

 

“Nobody.” It seemed like her sister wasn’t going to make this easy.

 

“Cut the crap. I remember how you acted when you told me she had died.”

 

Laurel glared at her.

 

“Please Laurel.” Sara would beg if she had to. “I need to know.” Laurel nodded but didn’t say anything. “How about we start with who was she to you?”

 

“She was my teacher.” Laurel cleared her throat. “Nyssa helped me become strong. She had faith in me when everyone else didn’t. She was my friend, my sister.” Her voice got stronger the more she said. “In the end she was my savior. She took a hit that was meant for me. It’s my fault she’s gone.” Laurel looked away. “It’s been months since she died. Why are you asking me this now?”

 

“I’ve been seeing things. Having flashes of something, memories. My associates think that though it should be impossible, my brain is trying to reestablish the connections that got fried when my body was put in the pit, except they use way more jargon to say it.” Sara looked away, “There’s a woman in them.”

 

“And you think it’s Nyssa?”

 

Sara nodded, “But everything I’m seeing doesn’t make sense.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“She’s Ra’s al Ghul’s right hand. I can clearly see her with him leading a group of assassins. In another vision she’s the one training me. But I have had other visions, she’s different in those.”

 

“Different how?” Laurel asked but the way she said it implied she knew the answer already.

 

“Different enough that I know why you’d be pissed at me for not caring before that she died.”

 

“And you suddenly care now?” Her tone was accusing. Sara tried not to hold it against her. Laurel had every right to be upset.

 

She nodded. “I’m beginning to.”

 

She was beginning to care a great deal. So much so that she was ashamed by how she had acted when Laurel had told her before. She knew it had been remnants of the pit’s influence scarring her memory and stunting every emotion but rage yet still she should have held back some of what she had said for Laurel’s sake in the very least. Now having an inkling of what Nyssa meant to her, well Sara was not surprised Laurel had held that conversation against her for this long.

 

“What do you want from me Sara?”

 

“I don’t trust what I’m seeing. I need to be sure this isn’t more Lazarus Pit induced craziness. So I need you to confirm some things, starting with who Nyssa was to me.”

 

“You’re probably better off not knowing.”

 

“That’s the same bullshit Oliver tried to sell me. I don’t care if it hurts. I need to know about her. I am sick of having things taken from me. I want this one back.”

 

“Are you sure? It’s a long story and I don’t think any of us come out of it looking well.” She wiped away a tear, “And you already know it doesn’t have a happy ending.”

 

“Tell me anyway.”

 

Laurel sighed, “The first time any of us heard of Nyssa was when she kidnapped Mom and poisoned me to get you to rejoin the League of Assassins.”

 

A few weeks later Sara was in what she now recognized as Nyssa’s rooms in Nanda Parbat. Another dream. She had begun looking forward to them now that she knew for sure that everything she was seeing was real.

 

The best and worst dreams were the ones when they were happy. This felt like one of those. Nyssa was with her. They were in bed. Nude. Slick skin sliding against slick skin. This was her clearest vision yet. She could feel the silk of Nyssa’s hair as it ran between her fingers. Smell the wax from the candles.

 

“Let me talk to my father, Sara.” Nyssa whispered to her. She was ethereal in the flickering light. Sara almost couldn’t believe that she was real.

 

“And say what?” She heard herself say.

 

Nyssa sat up then. “That I will go to Starling City in your place.”

 

Sara leaned up and kissed her on the chin. “You’re sweet, Nyssa,” Sara stood up pulling the sheet along to wrap around her in deference to the slight chill of the mountain air. “But I can more than take care of myself.”

 

“Sara,” Nyssa sighed drawing her knees into her chest.

 

“Okay, that is not the look of someone who thinks I can take care of myself.” She was honestly a little offended at first. Yet the more she looked at Nyssa the more she realized that the other woman was really worried about her. “I might even be insulted if it wasn’t so unlike you to worry.”

 

Nyssa frowned, “I know it is. And I am almost ashamed.”

 

“I sense a but coming here.”

 

“But of late, I have been possessed of the most horrible fear. Of you confronting Malcom Merlyn.”

 

“I can handle Malcolm Merlyn,” Sara tried to reassure her.

 

“I know and yet,” Nyssa looked away. “And yet I fear that once you go, it is the last time I shall ever see you.”

 

Sara walked back over to the bed. She reached out and took Nyssa’s face in her hands forcing the other woman to look her in the eye. “Hey, I am never going to leave you again. You are stuck with me Nyssa, forever this time.”

 

Nyssa smiled, “I love you Sara.”

 

“I love you too.” Sara kissed her again. Then there hadn’t been much more talking.

 

Sara sat up in bed gasping. By the smell she realized she was in one of the medical labs. It took her a moment to separate her old memories from her dream with her more recent ones. She had been on a mission, Venice, just before World War II. One of the men they were chasing had a knife. She must have been hit.

 

“And she’s awake,” Kendra chuckled. “You have got to stop running into sharp, pointy objects.”

 

“Sorry,” Sara mumbled half-heartedly. Her mind was still back in the dream. Well the memory. Somehow Nyssa had known she was going to die. She had tried to stop her from going to Starling. God all of their lives would have been so different if she had only listened. Sara pulled her knees to her chest unconsciously mirroring Nyssa’s position in her vision and ran a shaky hand through her hair.

 

“Hey, it’s not really that bad,” Kendra said stepping closer to the bed. “Caitlin said the bump on your head was actually worse than the stab wound and since you’re awake now…”

 

“That’s fine.” Sara waved her off. “I mean I feel fine physically all things considered.”

 

“You don’t seem fine.”

 

“You’re right.” She decided to take a chance and open up a little. Kendra out of anyone could probably understand, what with her whole past lives thing. “I’m not fine.”

 

“I take it you’re not talking about the knife wound?”

 

Sara shook her head. “You know that time I freaked out on Ray?”

 

“And I had to lay you flat? Yeah that’s not something you easily forget.” Kendra hopped up to sit on the end of Sara’s bed.

 

“I’ve been having visions. Flashbacks really, to my life before the Lazarus Pit brought me back.”

 

“I thought you remembered your old life? You have all your training.”

 

“For some reason stuff like that stuck with me. I could tell you all about my life until I got on the Queen’s Gambit and then my memory is like Swiss cheese. I’ve always known that Oliver Queen is the Arrow but I could never remember when he told me. I know I died hunting Malcom Merlyn for the League but I never knew on whose order. But a few months ago things started coming back.”

 

“Like?”

 

“Like the reason why I joined the League of Assassins. Like the first time I saw Oliver in his green hoodie.” She paused for a moment and took a deep breath, “Like the woman I’m in love with.”

 

“Woah.”

 

“Yeah.” Sara picked at the blanket in her lap.

 

Kendra smiled, “So who is she?

 

“Her name was Nyssa.”

 

“Was?”

 

“She died nine months ago.”

 

“Oh god, Sara.” Kendra lifted a hand to her mouth. “I am so sorry.”

 

“Yeah,” Sara shrugged. “You want to know what really sucks? I saw her…when I first came back. I looked right at her and I didn’t remember.” Sara’s eyes burned with tears she refused to shed. “I remembered Oliver. I remembered Laurel. Hell, I remembered my high school English teacher. But not her. Nyssa died thinking she wasn’t worth remembering.”

 

“Then let’s make sure she knows otherwise.”

 

“Didn’t you pay attention?” She snapped, “Nyssa died months ago.”

 

“Don’t you pay attention?” Kendra climbed off the bed and held out her hand, “We have a time machine.”

 

“Rip would never let us.”

 

“So we don’t ask Rip for permission.” Kendra wiggled her hand at Sara. “I think the world owes you this much Canary.”

 

“Let me get Dr. Snow.” Professor Stein called. Sara hadn’t even realized he was in the lab with them. “I can get us to the appropriate date but to do this right and not tear a hole in all of space and time we’ll have to grab her at a point when medical assistance will be necessary. You do want to bring her back, correct?”

 

Sara nodded, “I really do.” She sniffled despite herself at their kindness. She knew she was hard to deal with on her best day, the fact that they were willing to help her, “Thank you both.”

 

“Thank us after we fix this Ms. Lance.”

 

_Nine Months Ago_

 

Nyssa hated being back in Starling City. This place had taken everything that ever mattered to her. If she were as petty as everyone assumed she was she’d have left this place and the imbecilic sheep within it to rot twice over.

 

But this had been Sara’s home. Her family still resided here. So when her new master deemed that the League should journey to this accursed city to aid Thea Queen she followed. Now she was finally to receive her reward for a life of service to the League of Assassins. She was going to die.

 

She had taken the blow meant for Laurel; she didn’t know that Darhk’s blade was poisoned at the time. Not that that would have changed her mind. She could not save her Beloved but perhaps having saved her sister Sara would forgive her shortcomings one day. Nyssa shook her head that was a bleak hope, after all the woman who Sara was now did not even know her.

 

Nyssa had limped away quickly after the battle. She had known the injury was severe and did not want Laurel to have to watch what would come next. She had ventured to the only place in Starling City that felt appropriate for this moment, the rooftop where her Sara had died. She looked up at the sky, to die under the same stars that Sara had was not such a bad thing.

 

Nyssa knelt and said a prayer. Not for her own soul, she knew she was already damned. But she prayed for Laurel and for…her. That they would survive, that they would be able to lay down their swords and live happy lives one day. She even spared a thought for Oliver Queen. Death had made her charitable at least.

 

She heard the crunch of gravel on the roof behind her. Boots, only one set however. A light step, so it was not Laurel who had yet to grasp the finer nuances of stealth. Thea perhaps, but most likely Oliver Queen himself. He had looked at her with a measure of awareness just after Darhk had disappeared. “Can you not allow me to die in peace? I know very well your opinion of me but have I not at least earned that?”

 

“No you haven’t,” A voice she had longed to hear for months replied.

 

“Ms. Lance?” Nyssa wished she could turn around but she had expended nearly all her waning energy to reach this place. “Pardon me if I do not rise to greet you. I’ve encountered a bit of trouble this evening. Have you come to reminisce?”

 

“Don’t do that.” The footsteps sounded closer.

 

“My apologies for whatever offense I have caused Ms. Lance.”

 

“Stop it.” She sounded angry.

 

Nyssa was genuinely confused. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

 

“Stop acting like you don’t know me.”

 

Nyssa laughed, but soon it turned into wracking coughs. The gloved hand she held up to cover her mouth was coated with a fine mist of blood when she pulled it away. It won’t be long now. “But I don’t know you and you certainly do not know me,” She finally ground out.

 

“I do know you. I remembered,” She came closer. “Not everything yet but enough to know that you don’t get to just give up and let yourself die on this roof. You don’t get to leave me.”

 

Nyssa laughed again. This time it was almost hysterical. “The mind plays cruel tricks on the dying. As I’m sure you well know.”

 

“You think I’m a hallucination?” She sounded offended.

 

“Better that it’s a trick of a dying mind than a real tragedy.” Nyssa bowed her head, “My dying wish would be that Sara was able to live her new life unencumbered by any ties to a past she’s better off not remembering.”

 

“Is that what you think? That I was better off not remembering you?”

 

“Sara not remembering how much I failed her? Sara being able to go out in to the world and do the good she always wanted to without the guilt of her life in the League hanging over her? Yes, it is far better. The pit granted her many blessings, who am I to question that?”

 

“You never failed me.” Nyssa’s vision suddenly went white. It took her a moment to realize that she was staring at a pair of white pants and not going blind. “You are Nyssa, Daughter of Ra’s al Ghul, Heir to the Demon and I don’t know everything but I do know that you never stop fighting.”

 

The woman in white crouched down in front of Nyssa. Her mind certainly conjured a lovely image of her lost love. The white suited Sara. She had always been a creature of divine light; Nyssa loathed the fact that Sara could never see it in herself. “I am none of those things. Not the Heir. Not the Daughter of the Demon. Not the fighter I once was. The warrior needs a reason to fight on. Mine died here nearly two years ago.”

 

“I am right here Nyssa. And I need you to fight for me now.” A gloved hand reached out and cupped Nyssa’s cheek. “I know it took me too long to get here but getting another chance isn’t worth it if you’re not around.”

 

“Even if you were real and the spirit was willing, the flesh is far too weak now I fear.”

 

“You let me worry about that,” Sara leaned forward and gently kissed her forehead. “Just keep fighting for me alright?”

 

“You know I would do anything you ask of me Sara,” Nyssa sighed. “But I think I’d like to rest now.”

 

“Then rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.” Sara smiled through tears, “You’re stuck with me forever, remember?”


End file.
